It's so hard to post.  When I'm with the family there is very little time in which I can gather my thoughts, write something uninterrupted and then find a photo to go with it. I've been home twice since Finn was born, and when I'm at home I play catch up with work and chores, and when I sit down to write something I find myself constantly saying 'I can't write that, or people won't be interested in that, or that just sounds like whinging'. But I'm going to write it all, and then hopefully I won't have to revisit it, and I can just talk about other things.

I've been staying at Shonny's to help with Finn.  He's not a happy baby.  He doesn't settle after a feed, he's constantly congested, which makes drinking hard for him, he's always getting his breathing and swallowing out of sync and chokes and has to be patted on the back until he can breathe again.  Then he's even more distressed, and he's even more out of sync so it happens again. Sometimes he vomits his whole feed up, and then he's starving and tries to drink too fast and.... It's a terrible cycle for him.  He's seen two doctors and a community nurse, and all they care about is his weight gain, so they think he's fine.  But he's in pain from colic and gas all the time, he doesn't sleep like a newborn should, and it's wearing the whole family down.  He needs so much attention; he does better if he's kept upright, so we hold him for much of the time, which is OK when there's an adult for him and one for the other kids; when I'm home and Hayden is at work it means Shonny has to cope with the whole household while trying to feed and comfort Finn.

Some of Finn's discomfort could be an allergy to cow's milk protein in Shonny's milk, so she's given up dairy to see if it makes a difference.  Thomas had a terrible reaction to cow's milk protein as well, he ended up on a goat milk formula at 12 months old, so it very well could be Finn's problem too.  In a way I hope it is, because we can fix that.  Unfortunately Shonny won't be able to have lattes or cheese or sour cream, but it would be worth it for a happy baby. If it improves his breathing so he's not always struggling to get air through his nose that would be a huge benefit. Shonny will try and feed him as long as she can, because he's stacking on the weight anyway, and antibodies from her are important at this time, but he may end up on an allergy formula if there's no improvement.  We just want a solution for him.

I don't think there is going to be a 'new normal' for quite some time.  If Finn wasn't so little, and so unsettled, I would hunker down here at home and wait it out.  Shonny and I would do video calls so the kids could talk to me, and we'd get by.  But Finn needs so much attention, and so does Thomas, and Isla is missing out, so I feel like I need to be there to help.  If/when Finn  is not in so much distress, and sleeps for longer periods, I will come home, but for now my presence makes a huge difference.  I wouldn't find any solace in unlimited sewing time knowing that my family was doing it tough without me.